A birthday life update
I was born on a Sunday, and each time my birthday falls on this day it feels extra special and reflective.
Last December, as you know, I stepped away from the podcast and I’d like to update my community on what’s going on since. I miss my podcast community! I want to personally thank you for continuing to listen to the podcast library, sharing with the people in your lives, and keeping in touch with me! My podcast continues to stay on the top of charts in the category of Buddhism, and that is because of you, and I am deeply grateful for that. The YouTube channel also continues to see organic growth and I’m always amazed how many people continue to find my work.
Over the course of the podcast, you might have heard me mention my “day job.” I’ve worked for over 20 years in the research and healthcare space and in August I accepted a new leadership position that was a wonderful opportunity, and I knew would stretch me professionally. And stretch me it has!
Admittedly for the past decade, I pulled myself out of the leadership space in my professional work, choosing more individual contributor roles, with less responsibility and less people management. I also wanted more freedom and flexibility in my personal life. Leadership positions ask much of us, mentally, physically, and spiritually. But as my astrologist will tell you, my North Node is in my second house in Leo, and a leader I was born to be.
A reluctant leader, at times.
Leadership is a muscle that requires conditioning and I am getting all the practice and workouts I could need to remember what it is to lead. My choice in the past to leave a leadership role, was born from a bad experience. I’m not sure who said this or if this the exact way to say it, but that quote “the universe will always give you the experiences you need to grow and heal.”
Well, that has been true for me over these past 11 months. I wasn’t actively looking to heal the parts of myself that had a bad experience in the past, but it has been clear to me that healing was needed. Part of my restoration and full integration would require me to revisit some painful experiences, have different outcomes, and heal the parts of myself that was resistant to return to a leadership position.
Maybe these healing moments find me because at my core I am an alchemist, and I refuse (whether consciously or subconsciously) to discard any experience without figuring out how I can use it to become a better version of myself.
The universe, in its infinite wisdom, is also unbelievably generous and gracious. Just as I stepped back into this role, I found myself working with three powerhouse female leaders whose leadership styles differ and offer me a multitude of ideas for how to hone my own skills and become the type of leader I am proud of.
Enough about work, how about the rest of my life? Lots going on there!
I am so happy to share with you that I am engaged to my life partner Graham whom I have mentioned on the podcast a few times. We have been together for almost 4 years, and our relationship has been the most beautiful, expansive romantic relationship I’ve had in my life. Like all relationships, there’s ups and downs, and everything is in between.
I am a solitary creature by nature; I have joked my entire life that “I’m the coolest person I know” and “I could have fun in a paper bag.” To say I enjoy my own company is an understatement. It has always felt more natural for me to be on my own and in my own space, with my thoughts. My inner world is rich and robust and is never short of excitement. I am always seeking opportunities for exploration and expansion in and outside of my physical space.
In considering moving our lives to a deeper commitment, I’ve reflected on the fact that I don’t think I was ever meant to be in a deeply committed relationship until I was older. As a woman (and especially in my upbringing) there was blueprint “grow up, get married, have kids, die.” Okay, that last part, a bit dramatic and funny. But you catch my drift!
Men are often offered long swaths of time, freedom, exploration, and their pick of dating women of all ages. While us women, are constantly reminded of both our expiration date and our fertility.
But what if we, like men do not settle in any set time frame or blueprint?
This has been true for me. It has taken me a long time to settle in myself. A truth I freely and honestly admit, and I encourage other women to admit to themselves. To free yourself from the pressure society puts on you. We are pressurized to conform and to abandon ourselves for someone else or someone else’s idea of what our life “should” look like at a certain age.
Freedom, true freedom to do anything at anytime, anywhere, without anchor or obligation has been the greatest luxury of my life in a world that constantly relegates women into two boxes: caretakers or mothers. Freedom, along with space and time, is exactly what I needed to become a fully formed adult.
I needed this luxury of freedom and a wide runway to figure out who I wanted to be, what I wanted, and the type of life I wanted to curate for whatever life I had left here on this Earth. I threw out societal and cultural influence and the tired old, indoctrinated story that women are here solely for procreation and domesticity.
Over the years, this decision to be a single and solitary being has both confused and confounded my ecosystem. There is this huge misconception that single women are unhappy. Which for me could not be further from the truth and being single, financially independent, and healthy has been the greatest, most rewarding indulgence in life. Indulgence, because I know how rare and lucky I am to have had the past decade and half to myself.
I was married once, a long time ago when I was much younger and was still following said blueprint.
I left that marriage with more respect and reverence for the institution itself. I made a promise to myself that I would never enter it unconsciously or half-heartedly. Despite my liberal leanings and clear feminist ideas, I respect the social construction and institution of marriage and all who chose to enter.
I know firsthand, it should not be entered into lightly. I am also acutely aware that in our current political landscape it’s probably more dangerous to be married than single, as we seem to be going backward in our country. There is a movement to strip all women of many rights and return men to the center of financial and physical control over women. This not hyperbole, you need only to research Project 2025 and states requests to change laws regarding women and voting, healthcare for women, and women’s financial autonomy. These are scary times.
As always, I try my best to not lean into fear but allow fear to empower me. To dictate where my work is and how I need to help counterbalance what is happening. To fight light with darkness. Whether that means I’m protesting, speaking out, or donating time or money to organizations that will fight these ridiculous antiquated laws that are trying to subjugate women. I will do whatever.
I go into this next chapter of my life and this new marriage knowing that I plan to influence the current landscape with what I have learned and where I am most needed to ensure we don’t go backwards.
Some more life updates, if you are still here with me.
I have been working on a poetry book to be published in the next year called, “My First Breath: Walking with the Buddha.”
It is a love letter to my deconstruction and awakening. It is also a roadmap for those wanting to explore themes of unlearning, breaking domestication, embracing death, and walking the middle way with peace and compassion.
I have always wanted to put out a poetry book and I write poetry incessantly. To me it’s a form of journaling my lived experience in real time, as inspiration and reflection catch me in a moment and the words just flow through me. I can’t even help it sometimes. These poems just find me and wish to be expressed in the written form. And I oblige, every time.
It is something I have kept hidden from the world, mostly because I wasn’t sure it was the right time.
The time is now.
The world is changing and that change is sometimes resisted and there is a desire to maintain the status quo (as mentioned above by going backwards). I assess that we are evolving away from organized religion at a higher pace than once believed. I also am sure the world is awakening at a more rapid pace, because of technology—for better or worse.
We cannot unsee what technology allows us to see. This new sight tends to allow us to open more widely our empathy and shared humanity and at the other end of that spectrum we see people becoming desensitized and harden.
My book will also be an offering to lean into your light and own moral compass without doctrine or dogma.
To be honest about whether you lean more towards darkness or light, and even if you lean towards darkness can you have enough awareness to choose the light anyway, not for yourself but for humanity.
Sometimes, I cannot believe the gods left us here on our own when we do such a terrible job of caring for ourselves, Earth, and one another.
Whether you believe in a god, the universe or nothing at all, I hope that you believe in our shared humanity. That you never forget that you are part of a whole, who is loved and cared for by people who don’t even know you.
I hope that wherever you are in the world you have the courage and resources to speak up for humanity. For any atrocities that are befalling our fellow men, women, and children in this world. I hope that you remember that we belong to each other.
For my birthday, I ask that you consider making a donation to some of my favorite organizations:
